Friday, March 28, 2014

The big move part 2

So here we are in Michigan 
It's winter/spring. 
Late winter. 
Early spring is a joke. It's still snowing. 
It's cold
It's wet
I'm not a fan. 

I have such bad anxiety driving with Brody in the jeep. I get so scared that something is going to happen. I know I know how to drive. I'm very careful. It's the other people

The Michiganders who have been practicing for months and months. Who are tired of it. So they are driving like the conditions are dry roads.... 
This scares me. 
Like heart pounding trouble breathing scared. 
The other day I had an appointment with the beetle boy. He wasn't feeling good at all. Running a temp, it got up to 102 at one point. He was sleepy. He was sneezy. And runny and watery and just not feeling good. 
So about 45 minutes before the apt were getting ready. I'm putting his warmest clothes on him. And he throws up. Allll over himself. All over the clothes that I'm putting on him. I felt so bad for him. So I got him dressed in some thing else. Covered him with blankets. And headed out the door. The dogs got out. And ran. I said GET BACK HERE!! I DONT HAVE TIME FOR THIS!! And you know what? They ran back to me. And in the gate. And I left.
It's been a long time since I've driven here. I forgot which highway I needed. Called my FIL. He thought it was one. It wasn't. I went the wrong way. I had 9 minutes before the apt and not a clue how long it was going to take me. 

I get off the highway where I think I need to be. I'm so mad. And my anxiety is skyrocketing. I'm praying to Jesus to get us there on time. ( the appt was to apply for wic. Living in two separate households is expensive and we are pay check to paycheck as it is) when out of NO where there's a girl. She's bundled up. It's snowing like crazy. She's pushing a stroller. ( one of the little umbrella style ones) she's got a baby wrapped around her too. And she's crossing the street right in front of me. Not a cross walk. It's a hill I didn't see her until I was right at the top. I step on the brakes and yell out at her are you kidding me?! Use the cross walk!!! 

And then I realized what that was. 

That was Jesus. 
Telling me 
Calm down my child. Your warm. Your safe. Your driving a car and your baby is warm in the back seat safe from the wind and snow. 
I almost burst into tears at how selfish I was.  
I slowed down. I thanked God for all I had. And I continued to me appt with a new sense of peace. 
I pulled in just in time ran in only 2 minutes late. 
The appt went really well
We were approved. Or rather I was for now since he's EBF 
Baby bee will begin getting benefits next month (some baby food)

So with all that. Were settling in nicely. I've started working. I'm a nanny for a cousin of Brody's and mine. He happens to be Brody's age, 2 months older. 
I've got amazing support here. 
Brads family is amazing. They love Brody so much and want to help out all the time. My family is so happy to have us home. 

I miss Bradley bee soo much. I haven't had to ever do something this hard. It's different than a deployment. And it's worse. There's something about us being a family and being separated that hurts so much worse.

But the countdown is on. 69 days until he leaves NC. 

I'm thinking about a surprise birthday party/welcome home party....
What do you think? 

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